Everly’s Five Month Update

Well, it’s official. I have been a mother of two children for six months now. How did this happen so fast already? I have learned so many things since my journey of being a mom, and having two little girls to love has taught me patience, the balance between leeway and strict, and having to take a long, hard look at myself.

This was the first month that I have been doing this parenting thing alone and it’s been hard. If you’re curious to see how Everly being five months old went, keep on reading!

Growth

My baby hit a growth spurt this month – it’s one of the things that people comment the most about, that she’s long, and she really is! She hasn’t had a pediatrician appointment this month so I’m unsure about exact measurements but she’s officially in the 6 month clothing and is still in size 2 diapers. She feels so heavy, especially since 9/10 times, she’s in my arms.

Feeding

Unlike last month, Everly has been taken off of baby food for now. I have been noticing that it really messes with her belly and it caused horrible tummy pains for her. So, for now, she’s going to be nursing and even THAT seems to cause her tummy pains. I never had these problems before but man, oh man, it can be daunting when she’s either cluster feeding or backed up. I have no concerns and her spitting up has gotten a little better this month, but I feel so bad when I see her upset.

Sleeping

The thing about co-sleeping is that babies typically sleep “through the night” (well, both of my kids did) but the bad thing is that they KNOW when you’re not in bed anymore. My girls go to bed at around 6:30 PM and are up early in the morning. I like to have some me-time before I head to bed so when Everly falls asleep, I sneak out of the room to play video games, read, watch TV, snack on a million things, or do whatever it is that makes my heart happy. It can be frustrating when she wakes every couple of minutes for me to return; it’s not really like that but it certainly feels like it.

Everly has been sleeping really well in regards to through the night. I don’t fully remember waking up through the night for her to nurse. I just sleep topless and she helps herself – that’s pretty awesome! Right? RIGHT?!

The problem lies when she has the entire day in my arms because she doesn’t like being away from me. I used to be able to set her in the swing and she would sleep. Man, I miss those days so much! She barely goes down for a nap during the day (which is great for development, not so great when I can’t get anything done) and when she does, it doesn’t feel long at all – which is why nighttime is so important to me.

Not only is this the problem but I have to choose between me-time and sleep I have two young kids and one is an early riser. I have this dilemma every single night: “Do I stay up late and want to die tomorrow?” Or, do I want to risk being grumpy in a different way because it’s been eight days since I have had two seconds to myself and I will go INSANE.

Still, I know it can be worse and I’m happy that she’s sleeping through the night like a normal human being.

Firsts & Milestones

I mentioned before that this was the first month that I have been a “single mom” and man, it fucking sucks! I have so much respect for single parents because this shit is hard. I’m tired all the time and add an extra bit of tired on top of that.

But this month was crazy!

First of all, Everly started the beginning stages of crawling… CRAWLING! I knew that it would be relatively soon because she started to figure out that she can move on her own if she uses her arms and legs. Yes, sometimes she crawls like a zombie searching for their next snack but she moves, fast! This makes getting ANYTHING done next to impossible. The good thing is that it’s going to get me to clean this messy apartment, the bad news? I have to clean this apartment.

The other first?

She FINALLY has her first tooth! It cut through a few days ago and it was a rough transition. The night before, she was SCREAMING. It made my heart break how much pain she was in. She was pissed, she bit my chin, she drooled all over my face, and she was crying. I bounced, kissed, and told her that it’s going to be okay and the next morning? She had her first tooth. It’s her bottom, middle, tooth and I’m so happy for her.

Both of her firsts/milestones made me really sad that I couldn’t share the happiness with her father. There is only so much energy you can get from outside people… but hey, my mom was happy for us!

Mood

It seems like my baby is either super happy or the crabbiest little babe you have ever seen. That’s not quite true, I’m really fortunate that she’s not as bad as she could be, but man, she really is hard to keep entertained. She seems to know what she likes and she’s not afraid to tell you about it. She has moments where she laughs those amazing, belly laughs, but then she’s screaming at the top of her little lungs; you would think that’s not a lot but you would be surprised.

We visited my parents for a few days and they got a first glimpse of how much she hates being away from me. I did notice that she did a little better with being held by them because she used to get scared.

She can be found laughing, smiling, and focusing on every little thing that is close by.

Loves & Doesn’t Love

Everly loves being held, kissed, tickled, and talked to. We also started using the Moby wrap this month and we LOVE it. She doesn’t love being away from me, loud noises, or having the thing she’s playing with taken from her. She also HATES baths.

Favorites

Her favorite thing is definitely her stacking toy. She loves playing with the little rings and feeling the different textures. She also has been using the keys that Aubri had as a baby and she seems to love the car seat!

My mommy favorite for this month has definitely been the Moby wrap. It allows me to get some things done and I have NO idea how I could ever go back. If you have a fussy, clingy baby, definitely give baby-wearing a try. I had to switch carriers but the $50 I spent on it was definitely worth it.

Things I want to remember:

I want to remember how happy she is whenever I pick her up. I want to remember the happy feeling that I get when she’s comforted by presence. I want to remember how beautiful her blue eyes are and how shocked I am that she still has her blue eyes. I want to remember the feeling I get when she reaches for me in her sleep and her happy laughing. I want to remember how much her and her big sister get along. I want to remember that she is a mommy’s girl and will never be this little again.

A typical day

As usual, we wake up at around 7AM and she lays in the bed while I use the bathroom, take my meds, and get Aubri her breakfast and then I change her diaper and start our day. The entire day is spent either on the floor or her in my arms; sometimes I’m luck to get her down for a nap in the mid-morning, early afternoon area. We do a lot of playing now and then she’s ready for bed between 5 and 8 and she will just wake to nurse.

Thanks for reading and have a great day.

Everly’s Four Month Update

November 2019 has brought a lot of challenges and rough feelings into my life and my parenting front was no different. Everly is now four months old (she was born July 31st of this year) and it has been stressful, to say the least.

Why is she growing so quickly? Even though this month brought a lot of stress, I still have a lot more moments where I’m clutching my baby close to me because she will never be this young again. I want to become more intentional with actual photography sessions with my children because they grow so quick – I’m scared my memory won’t be able to keep up.

So, without further ado – here is Everly’s Four Month Update where I talk about her growth, habits, milestones, and so much more!

Growth:

Everly is at the in-between stages in her development. I can manage to stretch out her 0-3 month clothing, giving her baby clothes a little bit more life (because clothing is expensive) and she’s also wearing her minimal 3-6 month clothing. I definitely need to make some time and set some money aside so that I can go clothes shopping for her – but babies grow super quickly and the clothing often ends up going into a donations bag long before she got use out of them. Maybe I will check a secondhand baby store soon.

As for her diapers, she is now in size 2’s and that became “a thing” by the middle of the month.

I don’t have any new statistics for anything because her next pediatrician appointment is next month.

Feeding:

This month has made me recognize that Everly might have issues with feeding. There is nothing severe as I know that she’s growing well, but more because she spits up all of the time and has gas bubbles that hurt her in passing through her system. She is still exclusively breastfed but has been showing an interest in the food that we are eating; she even tries to snatch our food from us and pulls it to her mouth.

Since it was just Thanksgiving here in the states, I contemplated letting her try some table foods (I’m planning on trying the baby led weaning technique) but ultimately decided that it would be better to wait until she’s six months old. I definitely feel as though there will be no issues with her weaning from breastfeeding.

Sleeping:

She definitely seems to be fighting sleep; especially her naps as she is so focused on the world around her that she doesn’t want to “miss anything” so she forces herself to stay awake. She has been teething a lot, too, so that has put a damper on her sleeping habits. We still co-sleep with her but she’s definitely been waking more in the middle of the night due to her little teeth coming in through her gums. However, this only happens on occasion, otherwise, she does pretty well at “sleeping through the night” and only waking to nurse.

Firsts & Milestones

Is there a sweeter sound than a baby laughing? I doubt it! Everly has accomplished being able to have the heavy laughing – it makes all of us smile at her. I enjoy it so much that I will attempt to get her to laugh (mostly by shaking my head on her belly) if I’m having a hard day.

She also had another holiday – Thanksgiving which was spent with my parents, husband, and of course, my daughters. It was nice and she definitely enjoyed having some time with her grandparents.

She continues to babble but she has become infatuated with objects that get in her close proximity. For example: we went to my parents house today and my mother held a toy around Everly and she started cooing at it and focused all of her attention to it. She’s curious and I love that!

Mood:

November has been the month of crankiness for our little babe. Like I said before, I believe that she has begun teething so she will be crying in pain and will “bounce back” to being our happy, talkative little baby. I can see her own personality developing and she appears to be a sweet and funny little girl!

Loves & Doesn’t Love

Everly loves her older sister a lot, watching us eat, our cat, playing, touching textures, and cuddling. She doesn’t love being set down or me being out of her sight, at all.

Favorites

She recently started “playing” with toys and her favorite has got to be a crinkle book that has teether toys attached to it. She also loves a “touch and feel book” about colors. I’m sure it’s all a coincidence but she has taken an interest to elephants!

Things I Want To Remember:

That she will never be this little again. Yes, it’s stressful when she is crying for what feels like weeks, but you are still a good mother and she loves you. But don’t be afraid to step away, to give yourself time to do things you want (or need) to do – but also know it’s okay if you don’t finish things either. Take a deep breath!

A Typical Day:

This month made us fall away from a “firm routine” but our day begins with a diaper change, nursing session, and a (hopeful) nap. However, she has been fighting her naps so we have been keeping her in my lap. If I’m lucky to get her down for her nap, she will go into her swing. The entire day will rotate between nursing, diaper changes, and recently, playing with her. The evening routine consists of placing her in her swing so that I can get Aubri into bed and hopefully she takes her “before bedtime” nap until we finish up our day with a diaper change, nursing session, and snuggling in for the night.

I love her and I can’t believe she’s already four months old.

Thank you for reading.

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Everly’s Three Month Update

My baby is already three months old (well, she will be tomorrow at 5:34 AM) and I’m trying not to cry. My husband and I will poke at each other and said, “can you believe it?!” And neither of us can. It’s really hard seeing how fast they grow; another day closer to them leaving home and another day closer to not being your baby anymore. It’s sad, okay?!

I’m really loving making monthly updates with our baby because they just grow too fast. I like looking back on it and once she’s at least one, at most two, I will change updates to yearly (just like I will with our oldest, Aubri) ones.

What a month it has been!

Growth:

She had a pediatrician appointment on October 10th and she was 11 pounds 3 ounces , 1′ 11.25″ long. and her head circumference is 38.7 centimeters. How crazy is that?!

Everly is still using size one diapers and is both in 0-3 month clothing and 3-6 month clothing. She is definitely getting a little plump and I love it! She’s also a really long baby. It’s crazy to see the difference from when she was a small newborn in her lounger to when we are crazy enough to try to put her in it; she looks like a giant!

Feeding:

I’m exclusively breastfeeding my baby and I absolutely do not mean any disrespect when I say that “breast is best”. I just think breastfeeding is so cool and is so much healthier because I don’t want or trust formula. Regardless of whether you breastfeed or not (whether you can’t or choose not to) you are still doing a fantastic job! I just don’t want to use formula.

Everly is definitely easier to breastfeed in public because she tolerates the nursing cover. I find wrapping her in it to be easygoing and she usually passes out while I’m carrying her around somewhere. I feel more confident now.

The only problem is that I worry she might be lactose intolerant – she gets extremely gassy. It’s not as bad as last month but there are moments where she gets upset and I can tell that she’s got some gas bubbles. She’s definitely not having any issues pooping, though!

Everly is definitely nursing more this month as I can never put her down. On the flip side, she doesn’t nurse if she isn’t in the mood. She is also a little easier to get to sleep without having to nurse her. This is different because Aubri ALWAYS needed to be nursed by me to fall asleep; not Everly though. It’s so crazy how different they are.

I still nurse on demand.

Sleep:

We are still co-sleeping and I hate how much media is selling it that you’re a shit parent if you do this. Co-sleeping is actually natural and extremely beneficial to development. Not only is it good for baby, but it’s great for the mother, too. Of course there are some reasons why you shouldn’t co-sleep with your baby; if you’re under the influence, a heavy sleeper, you move around a lot, or sleep with too many things on your bed.

I love co-sleeping. We all actually sleep and we do it safely.

Everly has been sleeping “through the night” and will only wake to nurse. But she’s so good at signaling for me that neither of us fully wake. I latch her and we both drift off to sleep; we pass out so quickly that we are both usually asleep before my husband even crawls into bed.

Her napping routine is starting to get a little wonky because of all of the appointments and such. She doesn’t like it when I put her down or hand her off to Nathan so she will wake and will be furious.

She will usually sleep a long stretch in the morning and right before bed. Other than that, she will dose in my arms.

Firsts & Milestones

The biggest new thing that our little Evy has started doing is she’s laughing! It began with a light giggle and now I can get her to do deep-belly laughing. I love it so much that it instantly brings a smile to our faces.

She has been babbling a lot more now and has said “Mama”, “Dada”, “boo”, and “hi”. You probably don’t believe me but you don’t have to because it happened. She babbles up a storm and it’s so cute to see how talkative she is and how much she reacts to the world around her.

She also had her first holiday! This is her first Halloween but she’s probably staying in with me because it’s FREEZING.

She is also still trying to pull herself up to a sitting position.

Mood:

She is generally a happy little girl but man, does she let you know when she’s not a “happy camper”. She has definitely progressively developed separation anxiety (I don’t blame her, I’m the same way) from me and will scream if she’s not with me. Sometimes she will be content with Nate or my mom but, 9/10, she wants her mother and that’s not a bad thing. Babies aren’t designed to be away from their mom.

Loves & Doesn’t Love

Everly loves being tickled whether it’s her chin, arms, or tummy. She will get to laughing. Sometimes I will shake my head on her tummy and that makes her really laugh. She also loves when I coo “yucky” at her when I change her diaper. She gets this big, proud look on her face.

She also loves when I sing to her. She loves when we are walking back and forth and I’m singing her lullaby until she passes out. It makes me feel so good about myself and develops a really nice bond between us.

Nathan also discovered that she really seems to enjoy being out in nature. I’m the same way. She will relax in the fresh air, look around, and truly connects and calms in the nature.

She doesn’t love being away from me at all. She hates being put down for a fraction of a minute. She’s not really a fan of car rides but she’s getting a little used to them. She still kicks her blanket off of her. She doesn’t like being left alone, anything cold (teethers are a joke to her), and loud noises. She also doesn’t like bath time. I need to pick her up an actual baby bath.

She also hates it when I sit down when it’s lullaby time.She wants me to be moving while standing up, not sure why but she does.

Favorites

Definitely anything that has to do with me. Tickles. Talking to her. Fresh air. Singing to her. Rocking her. Cuddles.

Things I Want To Remember

That she is so sweet and that she is already talkative at such a young age. She lights up whenever she sees me and we have a bond like crazy (just like Aubri and Nathan do) and I love it. I want to remember how great I feel as a mother when she relaxes in my arms or when I sing to her as she drifts off to sleep.

A Typical Day

My morning with Everly starts with cuddle time, then a diaper change, then a nursing session followed by either a nap on me or in her swing (if I’m lucky) As usual, our day rotates between nursing, changing, and playing. We finish our night with a song, rocking, and she sleeps on me while I do my own thing until we go to bed together.

A Quick Note

Dear Everly,

I can’t believe that you’re already three months old. I was scared that my heart couldn’t feel love again but you mended me from trauma and I had a good experience. You bring so much joy to our lives and we all love you. I can’t believe how fast the time has flown by and how much you have grown; both mentally and physically.

To hear you babble and laugh fills me with so much happiness. To be your favorite person makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. I know that you were meant to save me from the darkness because you are my little sunshine. To see you light up when you see me, your father, or your big sister makes me so happy that you’re a part of the family.

I wonder what this next month will bring us. All I know is that we need you.

I love you, Evy.

Love always,

Mom.

I can’t believe how quick they grow… it’s so sad! But, there is another month update of my little tiny baby girl!

Thanks for reading and have a great day.

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Blame & Shame

Congratulations! You just had a brand new baby that you have waited so long for; or maybe you just recently had a positive pregnancy test. You’re going to be a mother (at least I’m assuming you are) to a cute baby, figure it out on your own and make decisions that you’re going to be attacked for.

I’ve been there, twice. If you’re new to my blog then you probably don’t know that I have two children, two beautiful little girls and each I have faced criticism one way or the other; especially with my first.

Aubri is my oldest (she’s four) and even mentioning I was pregnant (in my 20’s, mind you) had a bunch of people approach me with happiness but there were some with torches and pitchforks with their different opinions.

Even if you have thousands of children, you don’t know everything. Every single parent feels differently, their bodies are different, their lifestyles are different – their children are different, even with sibling sets.

I found out pretty quickly about mommy wars when I was pregnant.

“How did you get pregnant? Were you trying to conceive? Was it with the right person? You’re too young. You haven’t been together that long.”

Then it continues as your pregnancy progresses –

“Who is your OBGYN? Are you taking prentals? You should be working, pregnancy isn’t a disability. What are you naming your baby? That’s too common. That name sounds ridiculous. ___ named their baby that, too.

First of all – pregnancy hurts! My second pregnancy (Everly who is going to be three months at the end of the month) left me with massive hip pain where I couldn’t move or lay down. It sucked.

There is even bullshit bullying about how you deliver your baby.

What do you mean you want to be induced? It’s not okay to be medicated during it. I hope that you don’t have to have a cesarean.

And it doesn’t stop there, oh no.

Be prepared to stand up for your thoughts and feelings on how you parent. Personally, unless you’re trying to hurt your children – I don’t give a single fuck how you raise them. If you’re doing what you feel is right, care about their well-being, and love them – then you’re doing a really good job as a parent.

There is a lot of mom shaming and guilt that comes from our choices. Of course fathers are included, too. I had to watch strangers at the grocery store stare at my left hand for a wedding band. My husband gets glared at whenever he has the girls, even for a second.

No matter what we do, it is always going to be the “wrong choice” for others.

I have a more natural approach to raising my kids. I feel intuitive on a spiritual level with them. I love my girls and would do anything to keep them safe and healthy – in my own way. I try hard and do my absolute best for them.

I get shamed for my parenting choices. I have a full blown anxiety attack when the baby is crying in public and I have to either bounce her or *gasp* breastfeed her in public.

The amount of ignorant people who tell me that I’m a shit person for being a stay-at-home-mother, even though that’s my fucking right, is disgusting. The amount of people who have told me to give my kids formula fills me with such a blinded rage.

It’s not okay.

Do you want to know a secret?

I’m worried every single day that I’m not doing good enough.

Perhaps even harder than that mom-shame is the guilt behind it. Maybe that’s what causes “mommy wars” and the shame game, we feel guilty and worried.

Perhaps they’re right and my children will be the next Grinch living in the mountains because I home-schooled them where they didn’t get socialization with other kids.

Perhaps my child will want to live with me forever and sleep in my bed well into their teenage days because I held them when they cried as a baby.

You get the drift.

I’m more confident as a mother of two than I was as a FTM (first time mom) I can leave the house every once in a while without crying. I’m daring people with my eyes to confront me from nursing my baby in public. I’m standing up for my decisions with the pediatrician or someone else.

Why?

Because these are my children and it’s my right to do what works best for us.

The point is that I’m home with them every day, all day, and I still feel like I should have invested more time with them. I should have sucked up a little more energy and cleaned the apartment. I should have played toys with Aubri, even though I hate it. I should have did some research on ways to make money from home so that I can help financially. I shouldn’t have lost my shit when I caught Aubri with a Sharpie despite putting them where she can’t find them or another roll of Washi tape wasted on one piece of paper or wrapped around her toy.

There are days where I go to bed crying. There are times where I worry about how having a sister is going to impact Aubri (or Everly) I feel guilty when I compare the two (because believe me, they are different) of them. I worry that I’m making the wrong choice.

Weaning is hard. Getting my child who had spent the past months co-sleeping into their own bed was a challenge but I did it once and I will get to that day again when Everly gets a little older.

At the end of the day, these are my kids. This is my life. And every single choice is made as a team and I have the right to raise my kids. To actually raise them and I’m personally sick of being judged for it by in-laws, family, friends, professionals, and strangers.

My kids are healthy and happy and that’s because of US and what WE do for them.

It’s not easy. Nothing about being a parent is easy.

But it’s the best job I will ever have.

So, let’s stop being rude to each other. As long as your child doesn’t bully mine, we won’t have a problem. You do what you feel is right and I’m going to do the same.

At the end of the day we all want what is best for our babies.

Thanks for reading and have a great day.

Featured Photo by Kevin Jesus Horacio on Unsplash

Cindy Update: Aubri’s Imaginary Friend

As a parent, I have a lot of fears revolved around my children. I worry about their safety, health, happiness, and then I wonder what I’m doing wrong. Parenthood is a funny thing – you swore that you couldn’t do a certain parenting choice and then you are, you swore that you couldn’t handle disgusting things but you get pooped on, peed on, and puked on. You wipe boogers off of their snotty faces. It’s a really hard thing to do.

I’m not ashamed to say that I’m definitely a helicopter mom, especially when they’re little. I don’t like trusting that they are going to be okay. I rush when I hear her fall. I don’t let my little one cry-it-out. I’m also more old-schooled and natural when it comes to my parenting choices.

But one of those things that I swore that I could never deal with is my young child telling me that she has an imaginary friend.

We believe in ghosts in my household. Both me and my husband has had some experiences with ghosts and I wasn’t surprised when our daughter talked to us about “Cindy” for the first time.

I brought this up to the pediatrician at their appointment and she said that it’s normal at this age to be able to create an imaginary friend; especially in regards to change, stress, or just boredom. But when I mentioned that there was violence about it, she perked up a little bit and said that it could be something she happened to hear; like a game from YouTube shows she watches, or just something she overheard.

But “normal” people like doctors don’t consider that it could be a spirit.

It’s really hard to hear my young child talk about someone who sounds so mean to her. I hear her in the other room, talking to herself. I feel goosebumps on my arms when I hear something odd coming out of my daughter. I do believe in ghosts and it would not be surprising to me if “Cindy” was a vengeful ghost who is lost, lonely, or potentially dangerous.

Yes, I do believe that it’s possible that she managed to come up with her. Our daughter has had to endure a lot of changes; between her first friend moving far away from us, to us fighting and going through the trauma of Nathan’s sexual assault, to having a new baby join our family. She’s going through a lot and I wouldn’t blame her for creating someone like Cindy – she’s really smart, too, so I know she’s creative enough to bring her into reality.

What alarms me is the violence like saying that Cindy is going to be angry at us. That Cindy wants her to run away from home with the “shadow man”. Or, the real kicker, that Cindy wanted Aubri to pull a bookshelf onto her father.

It’s scary.

My daughter can only sleep with the fan on. She said it helps her stay asleep and not wake up to people talking to her. She repeatedly told the pediatrician that she is woken up by someone by her bed, every single night.

I’m hoping that when things calm down around here, and everything is behind us, we can move on and, hopefully, she won’t need to rely on Cindy – whether she’s imaginary or a ghost.

In the meantime, I’m going to remind Aubri that she’s her own person and that it’s not okay for anyone to talk violently to her, that she cannot blame others for her behavior, and that we need to know about things beforehand – and that goes for anybody.

So, sometimes parenting is fun, and others, you’re wondering if you’re in the next horror film.

Thanks for reading and have a great day.

From One To Two Children

Hello and welcome to my blog!

Today I wanted to talk about my experience of the transition of being a mother to one to a mother of two children. As well as the fear, the obstacles, and the best parts about it. So, let’s get started.

I became a mother when I was 21 years old (22 when I had her) and it was really traumatic for me. I had a horrible birth experience and a rough recovery where I developed a cyst, had to have my gallbladder removed, and had a bad reaction to the Mirena IUD birth control. I lost a lot of the initial days of my first daughter, Aubri’s, life. I have been mourning for the lost time with her and it’s been really hard. I’m going to have to talk about it in therapy when I have the time to get an appointment.

I always envisioned being a “pinterest Mom” where I would be the one who would stay home with her, do fun activities with them, and never ever lose my temper.

I wasn’t that kind of mother.

I already mentioned that I struggled with recovery in the initial months of being a new parent. I was fortunate enough to have my parents’ help because we were living with them at the time. I got to see my parents be amazing with my daughter and it really mended our relationship as well. But everything changed when we got our own apartment.

The anxiety was really hard because I was so scared of getting evicted that something angry woke inside of me. I found myself being that mother who was screaming at my child and became highly depressed.

It got a little bit better when we moved into our new apartment because there are no neighbors above or below us (we were on the top floor of our last apartment) and it’s made a difference.

Because my birth and recovery experience was so bad, I swore that I didn’t want to have more children. I didn’t want to face the trauma that I endured as a new parent; which really should be normalized. I couldn’t imagine our family of three being “wrecked” with another pregnancy.

I was scared.

But something inside of me switched when Aubri turned two years old. I was hit with the dreaded baby fever again. Which all of this opened up even more trauma where my husband and I didn’t have a healthy conversation about, but that’s a story for another time. With all of the months where I thought I could be pregnant only to get my period, I actually believed that I couldn’t have more children.

I finally gave up and then guess what? I got pregnant with our second daughter, Everly, and I was going through a lot of drama. I was super depressed.

I had a worse pregnancy where I was begging to be induced once I was considered “term” but, they wouldn’t and I ended up going into labor after having my cervix swept and delivered the day after my due date.

I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to connect to Everly that I “checked out” of my pregnancy. I was so scared that I would lose her.

And honestly? I felt guilty for Aubri. I was finally being a better mother to her and I felt like I was robbing the time that she waited so long for. I was depressed and spent days crying. I didn’t hate either of my children but I cried for both of them.

But one look at Everly and all of those worries went away. I felt that deep love that I hadn’t felt since I looked into Aubri’s eyes when she was first born.

And just like that, I was a mother to two beautiful little girls.

THE MEGA FEARS

So, there is a constant fear that I won’t be able to love them in the same way. I personally grew up knowing that I wasn’t the favorite child and it really impacted me. I was downright scared that one of my kids wouldn’t get treated well and not even realize it. But, I love my girls and have tried to make Aubri feel important.

The other fear is that balancing the two is hard. All I picture is that scene in that Rugrats movie where Tommy became a big brother when Dil was born and was put on the back-burner because Dil was having an inconsolable crying session and his parents had to switch their attention to him instead of finishing the story. Ah, it breaks my heart every single time.

It was a huge fear of mine!

The last mega fear that I have is Aubri hurting her little sister. Aubri has been really helpful and claims she loves her little sister. But, I always have that fear that she will become so jealous that she could hurt her sister OR that she accidentally hurts her sister while she’s playing. I’m beyond protective of Everly so I’m so scared. I’m honestly scared for both of them. It’s really hard being a mother to daughters. I’m already worried for their safety and already dreading the disadvantage they have by being girls.

THE GOOD

It’s so fun to have two children because of how they interact with each other. Aubri will tickle her little tummy, or her toes, and Everly will have the biggest smile on her face. I have taken a few cute pictures of them but there are so many ideas that I want to take with them together. It’s fun to go out in public and Aubri will talk about her little sister with so much praise in her voice. I’m sure there will be hiccups along the way because they’re siblings.

Another good thing is that I’ve already been through this parenting thing that it feels more like a breeze *knock on wood* because we’ve already done these things. The only difference is that now we’re living on our own. It’s nice to be prepared for the screaming fits, the nursing sessions, and learning what cues to look for when she’s crying.

Everly has an amazing space in our lives that I couldn’t imagine our lives without her. It’s been way better than I was anticipating.

THE BAD

Going from one child to two is a little harder because I have another child to take care of. I feel like shit because Aubri will want lunch and I’ll have to decide who’s hungrier or, I have to nurse Everly while making something for Aubri.

It’s hard when I get so upset that I managed to get Everly asleep, stick her in her swing, and at that moment, Aubri HAS to play right in front of her. It’s really challenging to balance the two and out of my three mega fears, the balance thing is the biggest “real” challenge that I have to endure. It’s really hard for me to be alone with the girls, especially out in public, because I have to balance their needs, plus my own, alone. I have no idea how single mothers (especially to multiple kiddos) do it because I’m struggling.

I hate the stares that I get when I’m juggling the kids, getting them in and out of the car, and loading/unloading the bags. They look at me like I’m a hot mess, like I’m an unfit mother, and I just want to ask them what their problem is.

“Why, don’t you have your hands full!” some kind people like to say and you know what, I have to laugh because it’s true. But, I wouldn’t want it any other way. My beautiful babies mean the world.

THE COLD HARD TRUTH

Being a mother to two children is harder in regards to being able to not only balance them but myself as well. There are periods where I realize I haven’t taken a shower, or eaten, and that’s my fault. Some people are better at balancing but I guess I’m not when I want to put my children, especially the baby, above me. So, unfortunately, my writing goes on the back-burner and that can leave me feeling really depressed.

I know by now to appreciate these days because they grow so fast. It’s not rainbows and butterflies to be a parent and definitely not when you have more than one. It’s hard no matter what you do and you never feel like you’re doing it right.

It’s both easier and harder than I thought and I don’t know how that is. There are some days that fly by and all I do is laugh and smile at them and there are others where I become overwhelmed and feel down about it. Motherhood isn’t easy but I’m so thankful for my children.

My experience is only just beginning – Everly is two months old and Aubri is four. It’s interesting to see their similarities and differences. It’s sad to see Aubri become jealous of her sister (especially when it comes to her grandparents) but she is doing okay. I know there are going to be days that are easier and also know that there will be days that are even harder. I’m sure they will squabble and I will have to deal with that. I’m sure it will be a lot of adjusting and definitely be moments of joy but also frustration

At the end of the day, this is much better than what I was anticipating. I love both of my babies and they each came when they were meant to. I’m not perfect but I’m doing what I can for them.

A transition or big change in your life is scary and can be hard at first, or in intervals, and going from one child to two is no exception.

But I love it.

So, if you’re expecting your second (or whatever number) child, I know it’s scary and you don’t know what to expect. But, you’ve got this!

Thank you for reading and have a good day.

Everly’s Two Month Update

Our beautiful baby girl is already two months old and I’m beyond emotional about it. How do they grow so quickly? I swear that pregnancy dragged on for years but these baby stages are flying by. To some that would be a major blessing, but I actually enjoy it so I’m sad.

The biggest regret that I had from our first baby, Aubri, was that I didn’t document nearly as much as I wanted to. So, I’m so desperate to cling onto these moments with Everly.

I’ll be honest and say that I almost had this blog post completed but had to start over because I did’t like how disorganized it was. So, after checking out some different options on Google thanks to these two blogs that I found that I’m going to create my own by combining what I liked from each.

Check out Little Baby Blair and Snappy Casual to see their baby updates.

GROWTH:

I don’t think we have had a pediatrician appointment during this time period so I’m unsure on her actual statistics. She is definitely getting heavier and longer; thanks to the yummy breast milk that she has consumed. I’m so proud of her because growth is always one of those things that you worry about because you want your children to be healthy.

She is currently in size 1 diapers and wears clothing in 0 – 3 months size. It makes me so sad that we are already out of the newborn sizes; her older sister didn’t even use newborn sizes because it went by so fast.

I cannot get her to keep socks on her little feet the couple of times that I have tried. She also hasn’t been a fan of having a blanket on her when she’s in her swing or in the newborn lounger pillow.

FEEDING

Everly is still exclusively breastfeeding and it’s been a challenge. When she was born, we had to come in and out of the hospital for her to be weighed because all of the charts are measured on formula (which I think is both stupid and dangerous to do that) and it makes you feel like crap.

She has been growing well, at least by hand, and her latching skills have gotten much better. She has gotten much better at aiming for the proper latch and knows when to unlatch; so I barely have to unlatch her myself.

I nurse on demand so I’m not fully sure of how often she nurses in a day or how far apart they are. I never really needed to track but I do worry about one major thing.

She has gas pains.

I find that she gets constipated on a few occasions and it makes me feel so bad; I hate seeing her in pain. It takes a lot of bouncing or massaging in order to help her get the bubbles out.

Breastfeeding is one of those things that are really hard but I don’t want to use formula. I’m not going to bash it, or anything, but I don’t want my kids on it.

SLEEP

We co-sleep with our baby. I guess the proper term is we bedshare with her. I know, I know, a highly controversial topic but it makes it all so much easier on my family. I sleep better because I don’t have to wake up to a crying baby, get out of bed, or worry as much

This is not a good idea for everyone and each parent should make the decision that works the best for them.

Everly sleeps most of the night and if she does wake up, I hardly notice because I don’t fully wake up when I latch her at night. I’m super lucky!

FIRSTS & MILESTONES

Everly has started sucking her hand, beginning to try to pull herself into a sitting position, smiling, reacting by smiling, babbles, tries to crawl by pushing herself off of things and try to get on her knees. She also had her first shower after contemplating the best way to clean her as the baby tub we got doesn’t work properly. Oh, and she also went to the fair for the first time!

MOOD:

She spends most of her days with a smile on her face. She’s usually sweet and happy wherever we go. There are people who approach me and comment on how calm and happy she is. She has been babbling and smiling a lot lately and I’m beyond happy about it.

And the next thing you know, she’s angry. This month has definitely boosted up her screaming fits. There are moments where a baby is going to scream for a reason… and then there are times where there is nothing you can do except for waiting for it to pass. It’s hard, super daunting and it can make the best of us feeling frustrated.

This is when I will rock, bounce, or talk to her. When I’m feeling at my wits end, I let Nate give it a try, sing her lullaby that I made up for her, or, when it’s really hard, we put her in her crib or swing to give us a moment to breathe.

Feeling helpless is really hard but she’s honestly worth it. Please don’t ever let your frustration get between you and your baby. It’s okay to lay them in the other room, in a safe place, while you step away for a second to breathe.

Overall, she’s our happy little girl and I’m beyond thankful to have her.

LOVES

Our beautiful little girl loves me so much and I can tell that she’s definitely a mama’s girl. It warms my heart how much she craves to be with me because as I’m writing this, she’s on my chest. She loves it when I sing to her, loves being rocked, loves being bounced by Nathan, and loves to watch what her big sister is doing. She has also really started to love sucking her hand for comfort. It’s really cute! I haven’t completely done this many times but she does love it when I give her some tummy time.

DOESN’T LOVE

She used to be so happy to be laid down throughout the day but now she doesn’t seem to enjoy it. She gets separation anxiety and doesn’t enjoy being away from me. She also doesn’t like strangers, people who get too close to her, or loud noises. She also seems to be kicking off her blanket when she’s in the car seat or swing.

FAVORITES

Everly definitely seems to enjoy pajamas in regards to clothing. I recently started to shower with her in order for her to get clean and she’s enjoyed that. She really enjoys being outside. In regards to “favorites” she definitely is the happiest in my arms, likes her newborn pillow (but is growing out of it), breastfeeding cover, and hearing me sing to her.

THINGS I WANT TO REMEMBER

How much she has saved my life and all of the little things she does. She’s funny with the silly faces that she makes. Her smile could light the darkest corners of the world. She is the happiest little baby and I could cuddle her all day long and call it a day well spent.

A TYPICAL DAY…

Our morning starts between 6 AM and 8 AM where she’s smiling up at me when we see each other, I greet her with a quick little kiss and sit myself up to scoop her up and bring her over to her crib – which became her changing station. I will change her diaper (and clothes if needed) and bring her out to the living room to nurse her. I will wait until she’s comfortably fed and try to place her in her swing for her first nap.

The day is usually spent like this; rotating between nursing session, diaper changes, and cuddling.

When nighttime hits, I will usually cuddle and nurse her until we curl into bed that night.

There you have it! I can’t believe my little girl is already two months old… I love you, Evy!

Thank you for reading and have a good day.

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Christina Marie | Navigation To Happiness
navigation.to.happiness@gmail.com

Everly’s One Month Update

It has already been (over) a month since my baby was brought into this world. It fills me with so much joy but also breaks my heart; this is my baby and she is growing quickly. The newborn days are behind us and the only way to make sure I remember it, is to document!

Welcome to the world, Everly!

Everly was born on July 31st and it was a much better experience than with her older sister. I was happy that the pregnancy was over and all torturous feelings seemed to be the distant past. The staff at the hospital was kind to us and figured we were fine to go home a whole day early, if we wanted, and I definitely wanted to be home!

Aubri meeting Everly for the first time.

My parents had our oldest daughter, Aubri, for a few days so that we could adjust to the newborn at home. We started off strong; alternating turns on who would get up, change her diaper, whatever it was – but she ended up co-sleeping with us and it has been that way ever since. Co-sleeping is one of those controversial parenting topics – the way that I see it is not everyone can safely co-sleep with their babies or children. We co-slept with both of the kids and, as much of a pain it is to shift them to their own bed, it makes the newborn stages while breastfeeding so much easier.

Discharge day.

I was anxious having Aubri home with us. I felt like her clumsiness would hurt the baby and it was my job to protect her. It’s a strange feeling to want to hurl yourself in between your two children. But, she was gentle enough and was mesmerized by her baby sister, who was finally out of my body, our lives changed forever.

One week old.

I was so worried that I would not be able to feel love for my baby. But, I’m happy to say that my heart has grown in ways that I never thought imaginable. I seemed to adjust to mothering two children a lot better than I had originally anticipated. I love her so much.

In the beginning, Everly loved being swaddled. She only left the swaddle twice while we stayed at the hospital. I worried that she would overheat in the baby burrito that she was. There is something that she loved about being snugly; and I hear that it’s because it reminds them of their position while inside the womb.

I forgot how boring having a newborn is; you’re practically poking them awake because they don’t do anything. All they do is sleep and when they’re awake, it’s either mealtime or they need their diaper changed. I was anticipating the long nights of a crying baby, but she basically slept through the night.

Two weeks old.

I was nervous when we went to see her pediatrician that we chose – like most of my choices from parenting; it came from experiences with our first. Around here, the medical staff seems to be kinder. I really like her! She was welcoming and doesn’t seem pushy at all. I’m hoping it remains positive because both of our girls will be seeing her.

Anyway,

We spent a few times going back to the pediatrician to make sure Everly was gaining enough weight. The pediatrician was so excited and proud that she was. It made me feel better about my milk supply; as I’m always worried that I’m not doing good. That’s one thing that you forget; all of the doctor appointments that babies have!

Three weeks old!

One thing that I noticed about her is that she gets frustrated easily. The biggest challenge that she seems to have is latching without getting angry. She nurses fine and does a great job once she’s latched, unless she’s angry, but I still get stressed out. She does a great job with the nursing cover while we are out in public – I don’t need to cover but it helps with my anxiety and she often falls asleep while in there.

We have separation anxiety when we are away from each other. She often looks around for me if she wakes from a nap and will scream if I’m not there. I have only been away from her once and it was when I went to a counseling session; I’m happy that my counselor says I can bring her whenever I want (which I did) because it really helps. On my end, I feel so sad and guilty whenever I place her in the crib or swing in order to get something done.

I have a picture that looks JUST like this from me as a baby.

One of the best things about Everly is that she looks more like me. There are people that will look and say that she looks just like me. The only thing I really see of her father are her adorable little ears. It’s crazy, though, you can tell that my babies are sisters but they both have their own features.

She’s adorable!

Another thing that became really frequent towards the tail-end of this first month was her getting angry and all that seemed to help was me either singing her lullaby that I made her, or moving around (rocking, walking, bouncing, etc.) the apartment. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t frustrate me – but I was more prepared and happy that she’s definitely a relaxed baby.

One month old!

I love this beautiful little baby and couldn’t have imagined life without her. She’s funny and warms my heart. I was so worried about a million things about becoming a mother to two children; but I’m doing a really good job!

Thank you Everly, you have changed our lives more than you will ever know.

Thanks for reading.

My 4-Year-Old’s Favorites

Since I have been a busy bee with my newborn daughter, Everly, I thought it would be fun (and good for her) to spend some time with Aubri. I gave her a mini photography session and asked her some questions that we can look back on when she is older.

Man, I REALLY hope my daughters are just as sentimental as I am when they’re older!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Pink and gold!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TOY?

Barbies!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT?

Strawberries!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR LUNCH?

Noodles and broccoli!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO WEAR?

What I’m wearing right now!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GAME?

Hungry Hippos!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNACK?

Cheeze-Its

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL?

Lions!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC?

Trolls!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK?

Little Rabbit Foo Foo

WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Maddie

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Lucky Charms!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO OUTSIDE?

A water balloon fight.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?

Water

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY?

Christmas!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE TO BED WITH YOU AT NIGHT?

Stuffy!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

Pancakes!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR DINNER?

Chicken Tenders & Fries!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?

Polly Pocket!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

Lion King!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Gecko!

I honestly can’t believe how simple it was to make her day. She really enjoyed having some pictures of her taken and being able to answer some questions for my blog. As you can probably tell by all of the exclamation points… she was really excited about her favorites. I want to do these as often as I can while they grow so that we can look back on their answers.

I hope you enjoyed.

Thank you for reading and have a great day.

The New Parent Tag

I wanted to do something simple today because I know it has been awhile since I have worked on my blog. To be honest, I’m giving myself time to enjoy these days with my newborn daughter – sort of like a maternity leave. I’m not sure if I’m going to continue doing blogging every single day (probably not) but I do want to still blog to share and document my life as often as I possibly can without going crazy!

Today I wanted to do a tag that I found with Google and it’s apparently called the “New Parent Tag” so I’m going to take some time to answer these 15 questions about the baby so here we go!

WHAT’S HIS/HER NAME?

We named our little girl Everly Rose.

HOW OLD IS SHE/HE?

She just turned three weeks old yesterday and it completely shatters my soul how fast she is growing. I’m literally not okay about it!

IS SHE/HE AN ONLY CHILD?

No, if you’re a returning reader then you know this is our second child. We also have a four-year-old daughter named Aubri.

DO YOU PLAN ON HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER HIM/HER?

I don’t. Unlike with my first child, I’m not suffering from any trauma from the birth or newborn stages so it’s not fear talking. I just don’t visualize having more children after her. I look at her and feel like she’s supposed to be my last child. You can read more about that here.

WAS THIS A PLANNED PREGNANCY?

No, it wasn’t but it wasn’t necessarily unplanned either. I’m married and we never really had protected sex so every month could have been the month. I figured that I would be pregnant but we never had a talk about trying for another baby so, no, she wasn’t planned but she happened when she was supposed to – she literally saved me.

Your name is Everly
Our little baby.
We love you so much,
You’re growing daily.
Guess what Cutie,
You really saved me.
You complete our family.

Everly’s Lullaby – In the tune of You Are My Sunshine

HOW WAS THE DELIVERY PROCESS?

It was intense because of how fast it all happened. I was in active labor for about three hours and was admitted into the hospital at a 3-4 CM and went from a 7 to a 10 in 30 minutes… she was born after ten minutes of pushing. I have her birth story on my blog if you’re interested.

There was a lot of pressure instead of contractions I was expecting and they hurt so bad. Since labor happened so quickly, I went through it without medication. I actually enjoyed my birth experience this time around.

CAN YOU IMAGINE GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN, OR WOULD YOU?

Compared to my first experience.. I would take that way without even batting an eye. I would go through it again for her over and over again.

Like I have said before, I don’t see myself having more babies in the future.

WHAT’s HIS/HER BIRTH DATE AND TIME?

Everly was born July 31st, 2019 at 5:34 in the morning.

HOW MUCH DID YOUR BABY WEIGH AT BIRTH?

As you can see, she weighed 7 pounds and 15 ounces at birth. She actually had some problems with losing her baby weight that we had to return to the hospital a few times after we were discharged. I’m happy to say that she is doing much better now! She was also 20 3/4 inches long!

WHAT PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS DID HE/SHE OBTAIN FROM YOU?

She’s obviously still really little so it is hard to really say her real personality inheritance but she seems to get really frustrated easily; just like me. She will be trying to latch on while breastfeeding, keep missing, and start freaking out about not being able to do it. She gets overwhelmed with herself and I’m the same way. For physical characteristics though, she seems to have my nose and dark hair.

WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT?

This one is really hard because I don’t see a direct comparison between her and her father yet but physically, she definitely has his ears. I’m really not able to think of anything that is like her father in regards to personality yet… I’m sure I will as she grows though. It’s fine that she’s more like me because our first is just like him!

WHAT DO YOU ENJOY DOING MOST WITH YOUR BABY?

I love snuggling her! I could (and have) hold her all day long and not get tired of it. She’s so sweet and is growing so quickly that it makes me unbelievably emotional.

WHAT HAVE YOU STRUGGLED WITH?

It can be really hard to adjust to other things beyond taking care of a newborn. There are days where I constantly put her in and out of her crib or swing so that I can use the bathroom, give my oldest something, or do something around the apartment. It’s hard for me to be away from her for even a second; like I forgot her somewhere and it induces a lot of anxiety.

The other big thing I have struggled with is resentment towards my husband. The hardest part about breastfeeding is knowing that I have to feed her every single time. I was given a really nice breast pump through my insurance but I’m too agitated to actually use it? What I mean is that I feel like I’m being replaced by it.

He takes good care of our children and definitely isn’t a shitty father or anything. I just wish that he would get up with me so that I have someone to talk to when I’m awake but I completely understand. He is really helpful with changing her diaper, helping me with our oldest, or taking the baby so that I can have a moment to myself (like if she is crying so much) and he’s done so great.

Still, resentment has been something that I have struggled with. Maybe guilt for my first as well because I don’t remember these days at all with her and that completely shatters my heart. My husband says I was just as smitten and protective but it’s so foggy in my memory that it makes me so upset.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A NEW PARENT?

I’m not a “new parent” but I am new to being a mother to two children. To be honest? I absolutely love it. It has actually boosted up my confidence of being a mom because I went to bed crying at the end of the day from feeling so horrible. I feel like a pro every single time that I get her to stop crying or how awesome I bounce between helping my girls and doing something like cleaning or even sitting down to write this while they sleep.

CAN YOU INTRODUCE US TO YOUR BABY/DO A NURSERY OR ROOM TOUR?

So, because this was designed for YouTube.. I can’t necessarily introduce her and my daughter is sleeping in the room (we co-sleep and Aubri has her own bed in there) so I can’t do that either. However, here is a recent picture of our baby girl!

Meet Everly Rose! Our beautiful baby who has changed my life in more ways than I can possibly count. She has given me confidence, filled my heart with love again, and I’m beyond thankful to have her join our family.

I love you, Evy!

If you have a child, go and give them a hug right now because they will never be this little again!

Thank you for reading and have a good day.