Goodbye March!

Can you believe that we are finished with another month? Well, almost but we are close enough! March has definitely felt a little different in regards to my life as a whole.

I have been doing monthly wrap-ups for a long time and it has eventually adapted this method of creating little summaries. Ready to see what I was up to in March? Here we go!

Books I Have Been Reading:

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

Movies I Have Watched:

Ralph Breaks The Internet
Instant Family
What To Expect When You’re Expecting
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse
The Princess And The Frog

TV Shows I Watched:

MTV: Catfish
MTV: Teen Mom 2
Travel Channel: Legend Hunter

Video Games I Played:

Sims 4 (PC)
My Story (Phone)
Battlefield V “Firestorm” (PS4)

Songs I Liked:

“I Can’t Get Enough” by benny blanco, Tainy, Selena Gomez & J. Balvin.
“Elastic” by Joey Purp
“All I Have” by NF
“Wait” by NF
“Wake Up” by NF
“Face It” by NF
“Turn The Music Up” by NF
“Undrunk” by FLETCHER

YouTube Channels I Loved:

Eleanor Neale
Thoraya Maronesy
Kalyn Nicolson
Lavendaire
Nuke’s Top 5
muchelleB
MacDoesIt

Monthly Goals:

Revisit yearly goals:

I used to be someone who hated the idea of shifting my goals but I have given myself the freedom and forgiveness to adjust it to how I’m feeling.

I took some time this month to take a look at my goals for 2019 and changed all but (I believe) three of the goals.

When I finished my new list I felt excited for it. You can check out these goals at any time on my “2019 Goals” page.

Reveal gender name of baby number two

I was so happy that we were able to discover what we are having during our anatomy scan because we have all been able to connect more and it has helped it all feel more real.

Of course you can read the actual reveal but I think I’m going to refrain from the “mystery aspect” of it from here on out.

Read related: Gender & Name Reveal

I reveled both the gender and name of our second child rather quickly than I thought we would but it was honestly one of the first times I was overwhelmed with excitement. Don’t get me wrong, I have felt excited and thankful to be pregnant but it has been more about fear and worry.

Anyways, we are indeed having another little girl and are naming her Everly Xenia. She is just what we needed and wanted in our lives. Again, if you want to read more about the scan or more about her name – feel free to read the blog post I included.

Record a vlog

We went on a little family vacation to South Portland, Maine (which is “local” for us) and I did my best getting some footage of it which I compiled into a three part vlog.

Eventually I would like to look up tutorials on how to properly use my editing program for YouTube. I just don’t want to allow the overwhelming anxiety to shift to wanting to “abandon ship” and never touch it again.

I personally love vlogging (and blogging) because I can physically see improvement and be able to revisit my memories. I know they’re not fantastic quality but they make me smile and laugh because they remind me of the home videos my parents had created with me.

You can watch my vlog and my other videos on my channel here.

Open up about what happened:

No, I haven’t done this yet.

Do five watercolor paintings

I almost didn’t think I would do this one but I sat down and spent some time doing it. I believe I actually did more than five of them. I did a sunset, a beach with turtles, two of flowers, an Easter theme, and a frog.

I’m new to the watercolor painting – sure, I did some as a child but never as an adult. I had a lot of fun with it and I’m hoping I improve it in time.

Give my blog a makeover

This one wasn’t actually “officially planned” but I did have it in the back of my mind for a bit. I took to Etsy and was browsing new themes and decided to get one.

I sat for awhile playing around with it with the instructions by the creator and eventually led me here. It feels great!

2019 Goal Progress:

To see my goals – head over to my page “2019 Goals” and a lot are ongoing.

I had an afternoon where I really got into reading my book (To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before) and I’m really enjoying it. Since I will definitely finish it soon – that is one book closer to my reading goal of eight books.

I have been brainstorming story ideas like crazy because they keep coming to me. It’s another step closer in being able to actually write novels but I’m also writing a bit better (with more passion) with my blog as well.

We went for a sunset walk earlier this week where Nathan and I wanted to continue our talk but we actually ended up focused on Aubri since she is at that age now where she likes to pull away from us. It was nice to be able to spend more time outside and now that it is getting warmer, we want to do more walks. Aubri is excited about it being Springtime because once all of the snow has melted, we can bring her to the playground within walking distance from our apartment.

I did get a little more creative this month in regards to doing some watercolor paintings. I also really played around with some bullet journaling – it’s amazing how great I feel after being creative.

Since we went on a shopping binge, I got a lot of Gemini and universe/galaxy print to really make me feel connected. I have also been listening to my inner self a lot more and going with the flow that feels the best for me. I ended up deleting my horoscope app just because it would dictate the feelings I could get; sometimes it’s really helpful but knowing in advance if I’m going to have a bad day really stresses me out.

I went to two counseling sessions this month and it was refreshing but a little hard. I always feel like I tell her everything but there are actually a lot of things that keep coming up so I know I have to call and make another appointment now that I’m not distracted with other things. I’m honestly surprised with how honest I can be because of how comfortable I feel. Going to get help is half of the battle but actually diving into things is hard. I learned a lot about things just by talking to her and uncovered a lot of things that I buried deep within myself.

I have wanted to get back into truly documenting my life and this month was a way I could do it on our South Portland vacation. I realized how much I missed vlogging and hope to get back into that.

I was really happy to build my skills this month by developing a couple of beautiful houses on Sims 4. It’s a way to express creativity and I was so proud of myself with how it all came out. I was one of those people who would just have a box and hated how it looked with comparing myself to other builds.

I already completely finished my “Personal History Project” where I was able to talk about my childhood and family. I’m not really sure it was worthwhile though because I could have done so much more to actually learn about myself.

I did really well on my YouTube channel this month! I uploaded about six videos and feel more comfortable on camera. I even made a great video revealing the gender and name of baby number two and played around with editing. I’m not really looking at subscribers yet but maybe someday. Feel free to check it out if you’re interested.

Summary:

March definitely served as my “fresh start” this year. I was doing a makeover of my blog and took a new approach to my goals this year. It’s so important to have passion in something that you’re doing. You can already see a difference by seeing how much progress I made to those goals this month alone.

I saw improvement with my skills like being able to figure out how to edit that YouTube video in a way I never had before. I know that with research I will be able to do even more things with my editing software which can improve my channel. I also saw this to be true when I looked at tutorials for how my favorite “simmer channels” create their builds on Sims 4. It really helped give me the confidence to try it myself and I immediately saw results.

Of course, March brought a new sense of happiness into our family life since we discovered we are having another daughter. It has made all three of us bond closer to her. Everly has definitely been more active as of lately and has helped with my anxiety of her being okay because pregnancy (even with Aubri) is so nerve-wracking.

Aubri received some much needed quality time with the both of us and it felt so good to be able to watch her eyes light up when we went somewhere – we have made it a plan to do at least one thing out of the house. She has definitely been a little more stressful this month and we have to get back into the routine of guiding her better because I have been so worried about her feeling like Everly is more important.

As for my marriage, the darkest time is almost past us. We can communicate with each other like we used to in college and our vacation really helped with that. It was nice to go back to the places where we used to hang out when we were dating. It set us on a path of getting back on track of how we were before we got married and has helped us open up again. I’m really happy about that because we could see our growth as individuals, as parents, and as a couple.

I received my financial aid for college this fall and I have been contemplating if I’ll be ready just two months after having a baby. I need to call the university about online schooling – it’s all so daunting! I’m not sure what is going to happen yet but has been on my mind, for sure. I want to go but I’m so scared to make that step (especially with two children). Only time will tell – I have until May to decide.

The last thing that really made me happy this month has been a new Battle Royale has come out on Battlefield V called “Firestorm”. We tried it for the first time when it came out with my parents and Nathan and I got in second place – it was actually a lot of fun and I’m proud of how it came out.

Be good to me, April.

South Portland Family Vacation

My little family has been making it an effort to set aside the funds to go on one “big” family vacation a year with mini trips throughout. It’s important to spend quality time together to develop bonds and form memories. This year, due to my pregnancy, we decided to return to the area we met – South Portland, Maine.

I chose Holiday Inn Express & Suites in South Portland and booked it for three nights. We were so excited that we counted down the days until our trip.

DAY ONE:

Since our hotel has a check-in of 3 PM we were wondering what time we should leave in order to spend some time in the area but not struggle to find something to do. Nathan and I spent our morning playing some PS4 together until we gathered up the last minute packing items into our suitcases, removed breakables from high surfaces so the cats wouldn’t knock them over, and loaded up the car to make our journey.

When we arrived, we decided to start by going to a store where Nathan and I spent the most time in when we were just college students dating – Bull Moose. We were immediately reminiscing our old times together and both held back tears as we walked our way into the building. We left with a few items: PlayStation playing cards, a book about Norse mythology for Nathan, and an astrology book for me. The Astrology book is beautiful and I cannot wait to see all of the interesting information between the pages.

Since Aubri was getting a little hungry – we decided our next stop would be a frozen yogurt place as she was excited to try some. Unfortunately, the one we wanted to go to was closed and to combat her crying – we brought her to the one in the Maine Mall.

Before we got her some yogurt, she pointed out the carousel in the middle of the floor and asked if she could go on it – we agreed and approached to make sure it was actually open. The operator was so kind that she allowed all three of us to ride together for the price of just Aubri. It was a fun little ride around and around – and by the time it was time to get off, I was dizzy.

Carousel | Frozen Yogurt (Red Mango) | Bacon Cheeseburger @ The Maine Mall

We walked next door to the yogurt place and I was bummed to see that it was so small. I was excited to show her the wide variety of options for flavors and toppings but was happy to see her find something she wanted. She got a vanilla bean yogurt with chocolate toppings and some sour gummy worms. She sat at the little table with me (as Nathan went to GameStop to find a new lanyard) as she ate it.

We were getting a little hungry so we walked over to the food court. We got some lunch for ourselves and allowed Aubri to pick off of it. I (of course) got another cheeseburger with some fries while Nathan had a steak sub of some sort.

It was time to head to our hotel so we finished up our lunch and headed to our car to get settled into our room. We waited in the car while Nathan checked in and got our keys, drove around to the back, and entered into our “home away from home” for the first time.

I was pleased to see (and smell) the pool right in back entrance. I was really excited to go down to the pool while we were there. We took the elevator up to the fourth floor and made our way to our room.

Entry View & Beds @ Holiday Inn Express & Suites in South Portland, ME

We were blown away at the size of our room! The layout is so pretty and we couldn’t stop talking about it during our stay. It has a mini little kitchen area with a fridge and microwave, a beautiful mirror, a couch and coffee table, a dresser with a TV that can turn towards the couch or the beds, a desk, a sink that is located outside the bathroom, our two beds in front of a beautiful window, a wardrobe to hang up clothes, and a bathroom with a toilet and a shower/tub combination. I was so pleased that the room was as pretty as I wanted!

Bathroom | Couch | Kitchen @ Holiday Inn Express & Suites

The first thing we decided to do was go down to the pool so we changed into our bathing suits and headed back down the elevator to go for our first (and pretty much only) swim. We splashed around in the pool and laughed as we took turns racing with Aubri. She still doesn’t know how to swim yet so we were carrying her but we were all laughing as she said she had so much fun.

Finally, we dried off and went back up to our room.

We decided to go out to dinner and chose to go to where we had our first date – Olive Garden. Which, was of course, delicious! We had the free breadsticks, salad, and lasagna frittas. I ordered my usual (chicken parmesan) Nathan created his own pasta with shrimp, angel hair, and mushrooms, and Aubri chose Mac & Cheese with fries and grapes. It was so good!

Dinner @ Olive Garden

We went back to the room, took baths, and got Aubri to bed and finished our night watching some TV until we decided to go to bed.

DAY TWO:

Since I didn’t sleep well the night before due to being somewhere new – I was pretty grumpy when we woke up. Nathan told me to sleep in a little but I just couldn’t fall and stay asleep. So, I rested my eyes to get a little energy as Aubri watched some cartoons with Nathan.

When I finally got the energy to get out of bed, we went down to the lobby for breakfast that was included for our stay. The setup is absolutely adorable! It has a toasting station with waffles, bagels and toast with jelly and peanut butter options, there are muffins, there is a hot food station of four different foods (like eggs, bacon, sausage, omelets), cinnamon rolls, cereal and oatmeal, fresh fruit, juices, a fridge with butter, cream cheese, and milk – and there was a pancake station that cooked two pancakes in two minutes (it was pretty neat) with syrup on the side. And, of course, coffee and tea.

Hotel Breakfast

After breakfast, we went up our room until it was time to leave. I gave Aubri a longer bath (since we only have a shower in our apartment) and then I hopped into my own bath after she was done. The water pressure at this hotel is AMAZING.

It was time to head to the Children’s Museum where Aubri is older than the last time we brought her – she had a lot of fun!

We went throughout the museum as she played and learned. We participated in the light show (which our little girl was pleased to participate by answering questions) and we had a lot of fun while we were there.

If you live or come up to Maine and have kids – definitely check out the museum – there are four floors filled with so many different exhibits that encourage play and learning. I was a little stressed to see other kids be rude to her without the parents saying a thing. It was just easy for us to tell that Aubri doesn’t need to socialize every day to develop the skills for sharing or communicating with other kids – she did a great job. I know she will be a great older sister when the baby makes her appearance.

Ball Zone & Diner @ Children’s Museum & Theatre of Maine

My favorite exhibits to see were the ball zone, touch pond with fake animals in it, and the diner zone. She had so much fun and asked if we could go back and we said we would soon.

But, we were really hungry so we decided it was time to leave to go to lunch. We went to the local buffet and it was good. Aubri had a lot of fun picking out food for herself and we enjoyed some time of eating before we were worn out enough to go back to the hotel.

As soon as we got in our room, I crawled up on the bed and passed out. When I got up, Nathan took a little power nap, and Aubri was enjoying watching some Disney.

After he woke up, we decided to head to GameStop to sell his old controller and pick up some batteries for Aubri’s light up penguin she needs for sleep. Our trip was quick and we managed to sneak something in the cart for Aubri at a later time.

We picked up some Burger King for a quick dinner and went back to the hotel where we went through the same thing as the night before.

DAY THREE:

I slept much better the second night and actually felt relaxed. Nathan and I had switched sides where I could lay on my right side and not be on him (the beds were smaller) but I slept much better.

Like the day before, we went down to breakfast and ate some yummy food. However, it quickly changed as Aubri started to act out again. She would yell at us, rip her hand away, sit down as we were walking, and just made us nervous running away from us. So, we made the decision to see if my parents were interested in taking her for a trip. She wanted to go so it’s not like we kicked her out of our vacation but we were tired and stressed with her doing that wherever we went. I called my parents at 8 AM (they are not morning people) and asked them if they still wanted to take her since they offered beforehand. They were excited and I said we would just bring her right to them.

Nathan and I held back tears as we packed up her suitcase and prepared to make an hour drive to my parents’ house. We didn’t want to force her to stay with us or stress out either. She was excited to see her Gamma & Papa and was excited to be there.

Once she was there, we hung out for a little bit and talked about our stay so far. We said goodbye to Aubri, thanked my parents, and headed back to our hotel. We were heartbroken, to say the least, but tried to think of it as a day for a date.

We returned to the hotel and tried to think what we wanted to do. We were still worn out from the drive and the day before but eventually decided to head back to the Maine Mall and go from there.

We walked around the hotel for a few hours as we laughed together. We were definitely happy and felt like the “old us” again. We talked about our memories, about how we missed Aubri, and we went from store to store as we looked for things to buy.

Astrology (Bull Moose) | Gemini Choker (Hot Topic) | Earrings (Hot Topic) | Above The Sky Choker set (Hot Topic)

What we bought:

Gymboree: a jacket for Everly and a robe for Aubri.

GameStop: Spideman for the PS4 and Shadow of the Tomb Raider on PS4.

I had an employee who said that they were out of the actual cases so he would make one for me and I jokingly said “I guess you have to draw one” and he actually agreed. I absolutely love the effort and makes us laugh still just thinking about it. I made his day, for sure.

Bath & Body Works – a color changing bath bomb.

Hot Topic – a Gemini choker, some galaxy chokers, galaxy earrings, and we got a Yin & Yang set of bracelets for us to have.

Spencers: A Gemini bracelet and Nathan got a chain-like bracelet.

Gemini Bracelet (Spencers) | Yin & Yang Bracelet Set (Hot Topic) | Shoes (Payless) | Professional Straightener (Straight Ahead) @ The Maine Mall

We ended up getting stopped by one of the people who sell things in the mall. Which, by the way, I was terrified of. She grabbed me off of walking and made me sit while she did her little thing. She straightened and curled my hair with this iron and did her best to sell me it all for $200. I got so nervous that I almost started crying in the middle of the mall. I was embarrassed because I never do my hair or ever do makeup so I felt so out of the ordinary. She saw how much I liked the curls (my hair never curls) and she asked if I liked it. I told her I did but we didn’t have that kind of money. She nodded and gave us a deal which is probably just an ordinary thing but what she said really stuck with me: “I believe in good karma and know this will come back to me somehow” and we left with it for $100. Even though I realistically know it was a sale tactic – I still felt good. I felt pretty but I was so overwhelmed I started crying as we walked away.

Feeling Pretty After Hair Style @ The Maine Mall

Nathan stopped me and asked me why I’m crying and I told him I felt bad that we dropped $100 on an iron and that I was horrible with this kind of stuff. I thought he was secretly mad and I felt judged by the “normal mall-goers” but he stopped me there and said he bought it because he knows I like and deserved it. He said that he loves how pretty the curls are and said that he’s not mad at all. He pulled me close to him and we left to return to our hotel until Payless opened so he could buy some new shoes.

We returned to the mall with me wearing my new jewelry and still had my hair curled. He picked out shoes for himself and told me to pick some new shoes out for myself since mine were getting old and he wanted me in comfortable shoes – especially while pregnant. So, I picked some out that felt and looked good for me, we paid, and headed back to the car to loop around to Round 1 – a bowling alley & amusement center that we had checked out earlier.

Cheeseburger with fries | Pac-Man Stool | Burger Kitty Prize @ Round 1

We were laughing as we wore our new shoes (which looked like they matched) and nudged each other around. We rode the escalators (another fear of mine) up to the arcade and paid for a card. We did a few games together, took pictures in the photo booth, got some lunch, and he won two stuffed animals from the claw machine – one was super big!

We left the mall and returned back to the hotel where I ate the Nacho BellGrande from Taco Bell and he drank some energy drinks. I thanked him for spoiling me and that I had a lot of fun. He told me that he wants to do more stuff like that and we plan to make an effort to go out as a family and a couple more.

After I finished eating, we called my parents to say goodnight to Aubri and headed down to the pool – which was super short-lived because it was FREEZING so we ran back up to our room, took a shower, and then filled up the tub to use the bath bomb we picked up. While our bath was filling, I stayed in the water because I was so cold. He brought over the clay mask stress-free cream so we could do face masks together while we took our bath. It was a relaxing end to our day.

We, again, finished our night with some cable and headed to bed to fall asleep for our last night in our hotel.

DAY FOUR:

This wasn’t really eventful because we decided to go home after checking out instead of hanging out in Portland like we had planned.

Again, we went down to breakfast and talked with each other over it. We were bothered by some other guests who were proud of making a mess and watched the employee run over and clean it up. We both finished our meal and waited for the employee who had made our mornings great and wanted to let him know how his work is appreciated. We handed him a tip, thanked him, and he remembered who we were. He looked like he was going to cry, even though the tip wasn’t a lot. He told us to come again and wished us well. I felt so good going back up to our room, all I heard was what the associate who sold me the iron over and over again.

We left a note and a tip for housekeeping, packed our suitcases, and curled up and watched some TV until it was time to leave. I wanted to cry as we checked out of our hotel and made the trip back home.

As we approached home, I got a call from my mom that Aubri was asking to go home. It was odd because she was only there for a day and usually gets upset about going home. I felt so bad that we turned in the other direction and headed our way back to my hometown to go get her.

We picked her up and headed back to our apartment and I struggled mentally the whole trip home. I don’t know what it is – but I’m really missing that hotel and the happy energy around it.

We are planning on returning soon!

A huge thank you to everyone who made our vacation extra special. There are good and happy people out there and not only impacted our trip but my life as well.

I do have some footage that I will do my best to put together and on YouTube in a timely fashion.

Check out my channel here.

50 Random Questions

It wouldn’t be a “fresh start” with blogging if I didn’t take some time to reintroduce myself. So, I took to the internet and chose a little questionnaire with 50 questions that I’m going to answer at a rapid rate.

Read related: A Fresh Start

I didn’t read all of these in advance so I hope they’re not too daunting. Let’s get started!

1.) What is your name?

My name is Christina and I was named after both of my parents.

2.) Zodiac Sign?

I’m a Gemini and definitely one of those people who resonates with my astrology sign.

3.) What are your nicknames?

My nicknames are Chrissy and CiCi.

4.) Three things that I love:

• My little family.
• Sunsets
• Writing

5.) Three fears that I have:

• Something bad happening to my kids.
• An invasion in my home.
• Not knowing what the future has in store for me.

6.) The last song that I listened to?

Oh man. I can’t even pinpoint the last song that I heard but the last one that I looked up is “I Can’t Get Enough” by Selena Gomez, J.Balvin, benny blanco, and Tainy. I absolutely love the catchy beat and I’m a sucker for Selena!

7.) Your high school GPA

I’m pretty sure it was 3.33. That feels like forever ago!

8.) What did you eat today?

Uh, a lot of snacks for sure. I did make some loaded baked potatoes for dinner tonight and I just had a fruit platter.

9.) Number of siblings?

I have one sibling – my younger brother.

10.) Favorite vacation?

While you’re reading this – I am actually on vacation right now so it might change! I would have to say our honeymoon to Saco was probably my favorite.

11.) The reason that I created a blog/YouTube channel

The answer to both of these is the same – to document life and to grow as a person.

12.) What is your dream vacation?

I definitely would love a trip to Greece but I’m starting to really want to visit Sydney or Iceland! That’s the problem with filling your feed with inspiring people because their trips make you want to go so badly.

13.) Something I REALLY want?

Besides a house to completely settle down in, I REALLY want to get a nice camera.

14.) What my significant other likes most about me?

I asked him this the morning this post went live but he likes how I use the universe in my daily life.

15.) Meaning behind my blog/channel name?

So, I created YouTube way after we could have channel names so I’m going to just do blog. I came up with “Navigation To Happiness” as my journey to finding myself, being content, and embracing personal growth.

16.) My favorite movie:

This is a little hard because there are two that are coming to my mind right this second. I’m going to have to go with “Searching” because it’s so well done. It is about a father who’s daughter has recently gone missing and the process of what he went through to (hopefully) find her. It’s pretty intense and I highly recommend it.

The runner up in this question is definitely “Instant Family” where a couple fosters a sibling set of three (one including a teenager) and it really makes you feel along with the characters. It really opened my eyes to how badly I want to double major and get my social work degree as well.

Definitely check them both out.

17.) My favorite song?

I don’t have a favorite song as it adjusts according to my mood or situation. I can’t even put one in here right now because I listen to so many songs or none at all.

18.) My favorite band?

Ah! This one is definitely Marianas Trench. I’m so angry because they have come on tour THREE times and I keep missing it because I’m either heavily pregnant or nursing a baby. It’s like they know! If I didn’t care about giving birth in MA or right at concert then I would go to the concert in May. Someday I will see them!

Their music is amazing and have a song for everything.

19.) Three things that upset me:

• How much a lot of people can get away with just by pleading their age or mental illness.
• How sickening the world actually is. I’m terrified of having my daughters grow up in this stuff.
• Having my time wasted and being lied to.

20.) Three things that make me happy:

• Seeing people compliment how Aubri is and knowing that I have an impact on that.
• An amazing song that sticks with me for a long time.
• Laughing with people I love.

21.) The last movie you saw in theaters?

Oh! I don’t think I’ve seen one in a really long time. I think the last one we actually went to was Thor: Ragnarok for Nathan’s birthday a couple years ago.

By the time you’re reading this we may have went to the movies on vacation.

22.) Someone I miss:

Myself. I miss being able to feel like I was untouchable and man, I really wish I could go back to that.

23.) Someone I love:

My little family.

24.) Do I have kids?

Yes! I have two daughters (which is still weird to say) I have my three year old daughter, Aubri. And I’m pregnant with my second daughter, Everly.

25.) How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

I’m writing this on Saturday so hmm – last night I didn’t sleep that well because Aubri had a couple of nightmares. So, I don’t really know exact hours but I think it was about six and then I crashed for two more hours after she was awake with Nathan.

26.) Something you miss from your childhood?

My mom taking care of me when I’m sick! I hate not having anyone take care of me while sick – I am the one who takes care of everyone. Other than that, I miss being able to not know the horrible things that happen in the world.

27.) A book you could read over and over?

Definitely Alexander Gordon Smith’s “Escape From Furnace” series! Looking for something to read? Check those out! They show humanity in its rawest form.

28.) Something I got in trouble for as a child?

As a child, I never got in trouble. I was a really well behaved child but did rebel as a teenager – that was when I got in the most trouble.

29.) Three things that annoy me easily?

• Having to repeat myself.
• Being blamed for someone else’s actions.
• Being lied to.

30.) My favorite animal

This is funny but I’m really drawn to sloths! That’s one of my favorites.

31.) My pets:

I have two cats! Arlo & Aria.

32.) One thing I’ve lied about:

What has happened to me and feelings.

33.) Something that is currently worrying me

The baby. I feel like she’s not really that active.

34.) An embarrassing moment:

Literally my entire existence!

35.) Where I work?

I’m a stay-at-home mother and it’s definitely not easy.

36.) What my last text message says:

Incoming – No
Outgoing – Yes

I know, such conversationalists.

37.) Three bad habits I have:

• I forgive too easily but never forget.
• My brain works like a domino and I struggle keeping from letting some anger out.
• Horrible commitment issues

38.) My future goals

My biggest goal is to get to the point where all the pain was completely worth it.

39.) My pets – Repeat question so skip.

40.) My favorite stores

I’m not really much of a shopper so there’s not much I can say about this one.

41.) My favorite food:

This is so hard to answer while pregnant because I have aversions beyond belief. While pregnant I would say either cheeseburgers! Not being pregnant is either spaghetti/chicken parmesan or beef stew.

42.) What I did yesterday:

Again – making this post almost a whole week before publishing this. Real yesterday will be doing something on vacation but while writing, pretty sure did a huge to-do list.

43.) Something I’m talented at:

Writing on the spot – when I’m inspired.

44.) My idea of a perfect date.

I have always wanted one of those dates where we go to the beach, watch the sunset, and then go stargazing.

45.) Who is my celebrity crush?

Ah! So many are coming to my head right now but I will do my top two.

• Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl)
• Tom Ellis (Lucifer Morningstar from Lucifer)

46.) Something I’m good at:

Isn’t this sort of like number 43? I want to say that I’m good at rewiring my brain to improve – getting better with triggers and holding back.

47.) My favorite YouTube channels:

Man, I’m obsessed with YouTube.

• Refinery 29’s: Try Living With Lucie
• Kalyn Nicolson
• MuchelleB
• Lavendaire
• Nuke’s Top 5
• Eleanor Neale

Most of these are the ones I go to for inspiration but Nuke’s Top 5 are the creepy things caught on camera and Eleanor has a bunch of true crime videos that I’m currently obsessed with.

48.) Something I would like to learn:

There are so many things I want to learn – I want to do a whole blog post about it. But, what comes to mind is better hand lettering!

49.) Best way to spend my day off:

Some can argue that I have every day off (and they’re not really wrong) but I give myself certain days of where I don’t do anything except follow what my body wants.

50.) Your favorite cereal:

I’m a huge fan of Frosted Mini Wheats!

CiCi Marie | Navigation To Happiness

A Fresh Start

Are you ready for a confession?

I have bad commitment issues.

There are so many things that I’m passionate about and really want to achieve but I don’t have the energy or drive to stick to it. I hate that about myself.

I have been blogging for a few years now and have been on this own self-hosted site for almost a year; we are approaching the anniversary of launching this blog. I have definitely grown throughout this time but not just as a writer but as a person.

So, I figured it was time to give my blog a new makeover with a new theme, widgets, and a fresh new start.

There is a whole post that I still need to write about what I went through and everything. I’m hoping to be able to share everything here by the end of next month – maybe I never will be comfortable with it. I have been going to a counselor to help me get through and I see a difference but I’m still struggling. I mention this because until I’m able to get it all out of me, I’m still going to be a little off.

At the beginning of the month I received my first ever hate comment on my blog by a reader who was new. The words were rude and not only claimed I was the most negative person they have ever read but it was implied I neglect my daughter and treat my husband like dirt. It bothered me, to say the least, to read that. I worried that there was truth behind it and it hurt for about a week. I’m okay now but I needed to address it in this post without giving too much energy to that person.

As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD from my counselor, who hates labels, by the way, after going through what I did – I have been told that how I feel is valid and that my behavior is not only okay but to be expected. You would probably agree when and if I ever share what happened.

It really bothers me how the internet has given power to people who take things out on others because they hide behind a screen. Seriously, there are many YouTubers and bloggers who make a whole post or video addressing hate comments – it’s disgusting. It baffles me how there are actually people out there who think it’s their place or that they’re doing a service by being rude.

Blogging is a job for a lot of people where they rely on readers and interaction from them. However, blogging is only a hobby and an outlet for me. As much as I love to inspire others to figure out who they are – it isn’t my job to be positive or work overtime to hide who I am or how I feel in order to inspire you. I’m sorry if that seems harsh but there are millions of other blogs that focus on a niche with helpful and inspiring resources – but this is just a place where I discover who I am, what I have been through, and to document my life. My ideal reader is my future self or my children when they get older. It’s sort of like an internet journal for me.

As much as I have wanted to be a positive person all the time, it’s just not realistic for me to do that.. I do want to share helpful things but my blog was created in order for me to safely be myself where I can play around with what I want. This could be lists, challenges, stories, etc. – all of which can change as I grow. Just like you have probably found new interests and experienced growth as you reached the next chapter of your life. And I think it’s great.

Anyways,

Navigation To Happiness is still going to be my own space to document and play around with how I wanted. I love writing and being able to look back at previous posts. I will not let somebody take this outlet away from me because it has done wonders for my mental health and I know that it has helped others, too.

But helping is just a bonus.

Would I love to make an income through writing? You bet I would! However, I’m not really ready for having to treat something I love like it’s a job. I don’t even know the first thing about being a “professional blogger” and maybe someday I will focus on that.

What can you expect from me?

Every single post will come from the person that I currently am. This can be positive and uplifting content or it could be depressing or “negative” posts where I share what is going on inside of me.

My favorite posts to write have always been the raw and honest ones. I enjoy being able to be open so that it can get out of my system in a healthy way and it makes me happy knowing someone could stumble across it where it can make them feel less alone. But, that’s not the main purpose of my blog.

As I always used to say (even back in my Tumblr days) is that: “I blog to express, not to impress.” This means, at least for me, that I’m blogging to share who I am not to bring in an overwhelming amount of views. I probably could if I tried but I’m not used to being on the social side of blogging or promoting my content. It’s daunting for someone like me to worry about that on top of everything else. Someday I would love to be able to make an income while blogging but it’s just not in the cards for me right now. I’m thankful for whatever I have received and experienced because of my blog. I’m proud of myself for that.

Every single blog post is written from where my head and heart currently are. I never want to be a content creator that is doing something that makes me uncomfortable or something I’m not interested in. I spent a lot of my childhood pretending to like and do things that others enjoyed and I missed out on what I wanted to do. So, as an adult, I don’t want to do that anymore.

As for content?

I want to be able to come on my blog and share what I would like without worrying about someone who will make me want to curl up in my shell again. It took me a long time to find my voice and I don’t want to feel silenced.

The topics will still be what I have been doing but also trying some new things as well. I have been getting into making reviews with my honest thoughts where I balance some pros and cons because that’s just something I do. On top of all of that, I want to get into sharing my actual writing ideas for poems, stories, and other prompts.

A friendly reminder

I don’t want anyone to read this and think that I’m saying that “oh, well you don’t matter!” because I’m not at all saying that. I’m simply stating that people use blogging and other platforms for different things: some want to have an income, some want to make a difference, and some just want to document. It’s okay if you don’t like my content but you don’t know me or what I have been through.

You are not obligated to follow or like what I write but I do expect respect as it’s not easy to be this open for me. I go to counseling for my issues and refuse to allow someone to make me feel small for something they don’t know anything about. I’m still learning who I am so a stranger (or even someone I know in real life) isn’t an expert on the psychology of me.

I’m in so much love with my new blog theme and have a lot of great ideas for my blog moving forward. I feel good about this fresh start!

Welcome to the next chapter of my blog.

CiCi Marie | Navigation To Happiness

Halfway There | 20 Week Pregnancy Update

The scariest thing about pregnancy is that you never know the day that you’re going to deliver. I had my daughter the day that I was supposed to – she actually arrived on her due date. It’s stressful knowing that this baby can come any day and is all just a worry fest on making sure I make it to full term and praying that I don’t go into labor around my first’s birthday.

Anyway, it’s been awhile since I have done a pregnancy update here on my blog where I answer the questions that pertain to my pregnancy. There is a question on gender so if you don’t know already, I highly suggest checking out my gender and name reveal.

Read related: Gender & Name Reveal

Without further ado – here is my update for 20 weeks of pregnancy with baby number two!

1.) How far along are you?

Today I am 20 weeks and 4 days.

2.) Total weight gain?

I was weighed at my last appointment and I was 155 pounds and that is actually lower than my last one. It makes me nervous that I’m not gaining weight how I was with Aubri but the doctor doesn’t seem concerned.

3.) Maternity clothing?

I have purchased two pairs of maternity pants so far and have been contemplating getting some maternity shirts.

4.) Stretch marks?

Oh yeah. I have been getting stretch marks everywhere this time around. In the beginning I tried putting some creams on it but I just don’t care at the moment. I will embrace the stretch marks for now.

5.) How are you sleeping?

Sleep is getting harder for me in regards to comfort. I find that falling asleep on the couch while Nathan plays video games can be more comfortable than sleeping in the bed at times. I struggle finding a comfortable position when we go to bed but I do have a body pillow that helps. As for when I’m asleep, I wake up once to use the bathroom and have had some nightmares. I also have still been struggling with fatigue where I cannot have the energy to stay awake.

6.) Best moment this week?

Definitely finding out the gender of the baby and announcing the name! It has made me feel much closer and has taken off a lot of stress.

7.) Are you missing anything?

Yes – I miss being able to have control over my emotions, being able to eat whatever I wanted, and to drink alcohol if I want. I’m also missing being able to feel comfortable when I’m sitting or laying.

8.) Are you feeling movement?

Yes. Although I will say that there are times where I don’t feel the baby move as much as I want to. This one rolls around A LOT and there have been moments I will feel a nudge on one side and immediately will be on the other. I have been feeling movement for a long time and get worried when I don’t feel much movement. But, I do feel it. In fact, I’m feeling little flutters (really low) in my uterus as I type this.

9.) Food cravings?

Lately I have not been able to have enough red hotdogs. A couple more of my “huge cravings” right now have been loaded baked potatoes, fruit, and cheeseburgers.

10.) Anything making you queasy or sick?

Yes! My gag reflexes during this pregnancy have been intense. I cannot do anything without almost throwing up. There are still moments where I will smell (or even thing about) something and want to throw up. I cannot do half the stuff I normally do because I’m suddenly gagging.

11.) Gender guess?

I actually know the gender and since I warned you at the beginning of the post to read the other one announcing the gender – it’s a girl! I thought it was a boy for awhile until the last few weeks and then it bounced between the two. We’re thrilled about having a second daughter.

12.) Labor signs?

I really hope not. I do get really crampy at times and she feels SO low that I’m worried she already “dropped” – I’m absolutely terrified. Then again, I was informed that it’s just my uterus growing to accommodate the baby. I’m going to jot down the low kicks for my next appointment.

13.) What symptoms are prominent?

Definitely exhaustion is the huge one. I also have food aversions still and my hips have begun hurting again. Also, hair growth! I could shave my armpits and they will be back by the end of the day!

14.) Belly button in or out?

It’s almost completely out at this point.

15.) Wedding rings on or off?

They’re on.

16.) Are you happy or moody most of the time?

Moody, for sure and I hate everything about it.

17.) What are you looking forward to?

In the immediate future I’m looking forward to swimming with the baby bump while on our vacation next week. Long term is definitely actually having her and seeing my two girls interact.

AND A BELLY SHOT!

Halfway there and I’m nervous beyond belief.

CiCi Marie | Navigation To Happiness

Gender & Name Reveal

Yesterday was the day that changed my pregnancy forever – it gave a connection to the second child who is growing inside of me more and more as we speak. I wanted to come on here and reveal the baby’s gender and name. I will also show how we shared the news with family and friends and a little explanation behind the name we chose for our second little one.

Before I get started – check out my YouTube video with the gender and name reveal! I’m really proud of the way it turned out!

You can watch it here.

ANATOMY SCAN:

To say the least, I was extremely nervous about my anatomy scan this time around. I’m not sure why that is because it doesn’t really hurt (sometimes they push too hard) but I was so uncomfortable and stressed about making sure my bladder was full. I live twenty minutes away from the hospital and Maine roads are extremely bumpy and I didn’t want to accidentally pee myself.

I was in torture as I bounced through registration, checked into the radiology center, and waited in the waiting room. I was near tears because I was terrified of waiting too long. The ultrasound technician came into the waiting room, called my name, and I jumped for joy.

We followed her into the room where my ultrasound would take place and she instructed me to lay on the exam table, tuck the towel to protect my pants, and she placed the warm gel onto my baby bump – which honestly felt really good.

She was an amazing technician and hurried through taking pictures that she needed the full bladder for and led me to the bathroom so I could enjoy seeing our baby – which I had only seen once before this.

I was up and down from that exam table about three times throughout the appointment as I watched our baby roll and show their personality on the screen. To say that this child was a laugh and has quite the attitude already is an understatement.

After watching the baby’s organs and body parts, she told me that she knew the sex of the baby and paused the monitor to show me what we were looking at.

Before I reveal what the gender of our second child is – I want to send a “thank you” to this technician into the universe because this experience was awesome. I got to bring home 18 ultrasound pictures of my little one and she was so patient with me and our baby. It was an amazing experience and we almost teared up numerous times because of it.

Anyways, what are we having?

GENDER REVEAL:

That’s right – we are pleased to announce that we have another little GIRL on the way!

To see that we were expecting a second daughter sent happiness through our bodies. If I’m being honest, I was pretty scared it would be a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I would have been happy either way but we wanted another girl. Aubri was especially excited that she has a little sister AND she was happy to share the news with my doctor at my prenatal appointment that followed the ultrasound. She also excitedly told my parents the news as well.

As soon as we found out we were having a girl, we went to the store to buy some things for her. We bought her a bunch of stuff! Maybe I will do a haul of all of my baby things in a YouTube video. I love being able to call this baby “she” and “her” and not “it” or “this child” – I especially love being able to call her by her name.

NAME REVEAL:

Now onto her name – right?

When it came to naming this baby (with both genders) it was really hard to come up with a name. We had a much easier time before but with this one, we would share our opinions and most of the time – we didn’t like it.

Because it is a girl – I’m just going to talk about the experience of coming up with her name.

So, yeah, we had a hard time finding a name that we both liked and when we did, we were worried about the popularity, how the name sounded with the last name, and finding a middle name that felt right. We would yell the name to make sure it would be fitting (experts suggest trying this) to see how it sounded and we found ourselves liking and then hating a name. It was beyond stressful that I would cry because I’m a planner and needed to know so I wasn’t so stressed.

Finally, we decided that we would choose a name that we didn’t mind how popular it was. After all, our children will be homeschooled so worrying about a million other girls with her name was irrelevant. We wanted a name that felt right to us and it eventually led us to her name. We loved “A” names (still do) but I wanted to steer clear from an “A” name this time around.

Our second little girl’s name will be Everly Xenia!

Finding Everly:

Along with our love for “A” names – I seem to be drawn to names that have the “e” sound at the end of the name. When I came across Everly (I have heard it before) I started to say it and it immediately hit me.

I know that Everly seems to be getting more popular – it’s in the top 50 names right now – but we both liked it and it felt like it was the right name for her. Normally, it would have been off-limits for us because of how high it was in the ranks.

But, we love it so we are sticking to it now.

Xenia:

So, this one is a little harder to explain because I wasn’t looking for it. We both tried to find a name that resonated with nature which made me think of the flower – Zinnia. I contemplated using it as her middle name but it wasn’t quite there yet.

Eventually, I came across the name Xenia and I was immediately obsessed with the name. I looked at pronunciations, meanings, origin, etc. I nervously approached Nathan and mentioned the name to him. He actually liked it!

Everly Xenia is pronounced (at least for us) Ev-er-lee Za-knee-ah.

I shared her name on social media and surprisingly seem to have a lot of people who have reacted positively.

Naming a child is extremely hard (along with every other little step along the way of being a parent) and definitely caused us a lot of stress while we found our journey to her name.

It’s okay if you don’t like it or find her name too strange or even too trendy but this is the name that we have chosen and with all due respect, it’s nobody’s choice but our own.

Everly is still expected to be due on July 30th, 2019. She is loved by many already who are all anticipating her arrival this summer.

CiCi Marie | Navigation To Happiness

I Faced My Fear of Driving Alone

It has been so long since I have faced what made me fearful and anxious head-on. And, really, there is one more coming to mind that I’m going to write about soon!

One of the hardest things about anxiety is anything seems to be able to cause fear inside of me. It either comes from the fear of the unknown, loss of control, or being traumatized from a previous event. But, some of these fears can hold back from living and experiencing life – which led me to challenging myself to face my fears.

Today I faced a fear of mine that I haven’t done in years – driving alone.

BEHIND THE FEAR:

I believe I got my license in December of 2012 and typically drove around my hometown. The most I would travel was to college as I was a commuter (over an hour drive four days a week) and I remember my mom rode with me the first time and I was terrified when I left on my own.

Cars are really helpful but can be terrifying. I have been in two accidents and both were on the commute to school – so, I got a little scared behind the wheel. I was never fully nervous until I was carrying precious cargo – Aubri.

I don’t really know what happened but I stopped getting behind the wheel. I have only driven a handful of times since after Aubri was born but Nathan was always next to me in the car and was typically to or from my parents’ house. However, I haven’t driven alone since I was pregnant with Aubri.

I would say that between time and fear of something bad happening to those I love or damaging our car. I’m also scared of being in a hostile situation with another driver, breaking down and something bad happening, or just getting lost.

It all ties around the fear of not being in complete control.

PREPARING FOR BATTLE:

Like most fears that I have faced so far, I didn’t really get to plan for it. Nathan works about ten minutes away from home so we will either talk for his small lunch break or he would come back home for his hour lunch; they really get us through the day. However, he got his hour lunch taken since he has no coverage but was given a half hour for someone to come in to watch the store. We were upset, to say the least, because it has happened a few times.

We were trying to figure out our options and I mentioned that I could always drop him off and we could go to the store to see him for his lunch instead so we had the whole lunch together. We didn’t really talk about it again until this morning where I called out to him as he was getting ready to leave. He rushed me out the door, sped off to his work, and I sat in panic in the passenger side.

I waited in the parking lot until the store opened and then I brought Aubri around the store, preparing to buy some things, while really trying to get the courage to make the drive. I wasted a whole hour, running around the store, and then decided it was time to go home so we could do something else.

We said our goodbyes and I put our extremely confused and sad daughter into her seat while buckling her in. I glanced at the store one more time, hopped in the front, adjusted everything, and turned on the car for a couple of minutes to heat up. I took a deep breath, shifted the car into drive, and pulled out of the parking lot to drive home – alone for the first time in four years.

HOW WAS IT?

Once I turned onto the road, it was mostly smooth driving. There were only a few cars that would end up behind me and it was never really that bad.

I only ever got nervous when I would realize I don’t remember seeing the speed limit signs and worry about having to do it all over again. I was always worried about the next step. First I was nervous about the stretch, then the turn, then finding our road, and then parking in our place. I navigated it all nicely though and even backed up into our spot – making it easier for me to leave when we head back soon for his lunch.

Aubri shrieked “Good job, Mommy! I wasn’t scared at all!”

I’m so proud of myself.

WOULD I DO IT AGAIN?

Considering I have to do it at least three more times today (both ways to his lunch and going to pick him up after his shift) I have to do it again but I have missed driving.

I am still a little nervous though.

If you’re reading this I challenge you to face one of your fears. I promise, it will feel amazing afterward.

Thank you for reading and have a great day.

CiCi Marie | Navigation To Happiness

Review: 365 Days of Happiness by Jacqueline Pirtle

Last July, I received an email with an opportunity that filled me with so much excitement because I was in a prime time of working on finding my own happiness by practicing self-care and recovering from my “old ways” so I happily agreed.

I was offered a copy of 365 Days of Happiness by Jacqueline Pirtle in exchange for an honest review. So, here it is!

Do you have fun with your own life? How often do you really pay attention and choose things to improve your day? In 365 Days of Happiness, author Jacqueline Pirtle has created daily inspirations that help you mindfully work towards living a more vivid experience of daily happiness. Showing that you can put in work to change your life while having fun, the practices are full of whimsy and delight. Through light, bubbly, cheerful passages, each day teaches you to find happiness, use those sour lemons, and shift yourself into a “high for life” frequency where you can reach happiness anywhere at any time.

365 Days of Happiness blurb on the back

What is the book about?

365 Days of Happiness is written as a daily dosage of inspiration in order to find happiness from what is inside of you and the little things around you in this world. Each day is short (no more than two pages) which allows even the busiest person to sit down and dedicate some time to read the daily entry.

Pirtle approaches writing this book with fun visualizations and encourages you to get in tuned with your inner child – the point is to have fun with what you have and to learn how to acknowledge the “bad” and to accept, respect, appreciate, thank, and love it for what it is.

What did I like about it?

This book is loaded with adorable and fun tips in order to live a happy life. It shifts you to be in a “high for life” frequency where you take the time and learn how to not only shift to be happy but encourages and reminds you that it is okay to be feeling down. It also teaches how to “let it go” after you’re finished with that “negative” feeling. I found this to be refreshing because I find that other books in this genre often refrain from talking about normal moods – because nobody is happy at every second of every day.

I also loved that even as a pessimistic and “negative” person – I still resonated with a lot of pages. While reading I would place a sticky note on every page that left me feeling intrigued, marking it to go back to later, and left me feeling good.

Entries I resonated with – there are a lot of them!

I find that bloggers and vloggers, especially those who are in the mental health or lifestyle niche, are expected to only spew out positivity and happiness. However, that isn’t always possible and life happens. This book really helped me through a difficult time but it was also hard for me to get into at my lowest point and I will get into that in a second.

What I really liked about this is that I truly believe that everybody can find something they resonate with in this book and that is so important in a book like this. It also encourages you to stop wishing you were happy and teaches you how to actually do it.

What did I not like about it?

As someone who was in a really dark time when I tried to dive into this book, it was a little challenging. This is not a “get happy fast” sort of book – which, obviously, was just timing on my part but I find that some people who suffer from depression or dark moods could become frustrated while reading a book about “how easy it is to find happiness” – I certainly get like that when I’m at my lowest and I did find myself getting frustrated at times while reading.

Another thing I will say is that this book is really repetitive where a lot of the tips are shared over and over again. This isn’t a big deal if you read it how you’re supposed to (one at a time) but I felt pressured to hurry through it as fast as I could in order to make this review, since they were so kind to offer me this opportunity. I will also say that they told me to take my time but I still felt pressured so I wish that I read it the way that it was intended. I hope to go back someday and reread it how I was supposed to and see if I take even more from it.

Would I recommend it?

I definitely recommend giving this book a try if you are okay with “childish” and repetitive entries because I promise that if you stick with it – you will resonate with something and can learn a lot from it.

We are often taught that happiness is something you have to work your whole life to achieve – but we have all have “what it takes” to be happy with adapting our mindsets and learning how to love the little things.

I definitely plan to go back through the pages that I resonated with and allowing myself more time and energy into truly feeling what it had to offer me.

I rate this book four out of five stars.

A huge thank you to Kelsey and Jacqueline Pirtle for giving me this opportunity and for introducing new tips to be happy in my daily life. I will take what I learned and incorporate it in my future!

Thank you for reading and have a great day.

CiCi Marie | Navigation To Happiness